Three gifts I received from the Buddha

A few days ago, I published a post about leadership and generosity. The topic of generosity has been on my mind for a while now, as it is part of a broader personal journey for me.

For several years, I have been practicing meditation on a daily basis. I also practice with a group that meets weekly and occasionally attend retreats for several days every few months. Meditation and Buddhist psychology have become significant aspects of my life.

Life can be viewed as a gradual process towards death. This may sound depressing and somewhat frightening, but it is also true, at least on the level of the body - "from dust you came and to dust you shall return," as the nature of the world goes. The Buddhist perspective helps us live with this peacefully, among other things.

However, life is also a continuous process of development - we are constantly changing and learning, and that's wonderful! For me, Buddhist ideas have shifted paradigms, challenged assumptions, opened up new channels towards my friends, family, clients, and most importantly, towards myself.

I will try to share a few examples, starting with the topic of generosity. I apologize in advance for the simplicity of describing such profound wisdom in just a few words.

According to Buddhism, suffering is an inherent part of life. Since we are born, we are destined to die; since we have bodies, we are subject to diseases, aging, and various pains. Since we have desires for pleasures and others that are not always fulfilled, we experience disappointments, which are also a form of suffering. Most of the time, we are occupied with what we have not yet achieved, what we have not obtained, and we often judge ourselves harshly. The hope that when we reach a goal - finding the right partner, getting a promotion - then we will be happy, is an illusion, because there will always be another desired gap to be filled, a gap that generates suffering.

Generosity, on the other hand, reduces suffering and adds joy. This is because when I give to someone else, I directly experience what I have. Often, we are focused on what we lack, what we have not yet achieved. When I give, I feel fulfilled, simply by the experience that I have something to give.

The second gift is related to listening and mindfulness. Anyone who has tried to close their eyes for a few minutes and focus on their breath can testify to how challenging this seemingly simple task can be. Thoughts wander, and the feeling is that we are only partially "masters of our consciousness."

The same difficulty arises when we are in a state of listening - to our partner, to a child recounting their day at school, or even to a coworker or colleague. We try to listen, but then a thought comes in and simply "snatches" us away.

Meditation teaches us not to automatically "surrender to the snatch" and to release the thought freely, so that even "in the real world" we can be more attentive and present.

As a manager until a few years ago, and now as a consultant, I feel that practicing attentive listening helps me be a better professional, understand the people I work with, and build trust with them.

This is, of course, an ongoing journey that never ends. Even the most accomplished teachers will attest that thoughts and distractions will always be present. The growth lies in our ability to release them and be less swept away by them.

Another gift I received from Buddhism is a very different perspective on understanding and dealing with conflicts that arise between people. I mean primarily my interactions with others, and additionally as a consultant who works with individuals personally or as part of a team.

Conflicts often follow a pattern of escalation based on an unconscious activation of the "fight or flight" mechanism - for example, if someone tells me, "You don't know what you're talking about," and my response is to attack back because I can't really ignore a statement like "You don't know what you're talking about"... Then my aggression will only fuel the flames.

According to Buddhism (and again, I apologize for the simplification), that reflexive response of striking back is an automatic pattern rooted in an over-identification with the self. Through awareness, we can gradually increase our freedom to respond out of choice rather than automatically. There's a great blessing in this because unkind behavior, such as aggression, not only causes suffering to others but primarily to ourselves, from the internal experience of aggression.

Breaking the escalation of conflict is done by adopting the assumption that people do their best when motivated by the intention to do the right thing. When someone tells me, "You don't know what you're talking about," they are not doing it to harm me, but because they believe, in that moment, that it's the right way to convey a sharp message that promises excellence.

This view opens up the possibility for us to respond with forgiveness (even with compassion) to aggressive behavior and to accept it, to contain it. It's important to clarify that this doesn't mean submission. I don't have to give up my position, but rather insist on it while giving respect and attention to the person with me. There's also no condescension here ("Arguing with you is beneath me"). The dynamics of conflict resolution are immensely powerful, and avoiding it requires constant effort.